Very Rough Draft.

 Hello it looks like I am writing another blog post because a few things have been going on in my life they are from all over the place and really out of order but I am collecting my thoughts at the moment okay so let me start with the boring stuff I am currently unemployed not making money living with my parents and trying to handle life as best I can wishing if I could find something to occupy my time with that is efficient. Everyone in my house wants me to succeed but I have not been able to do that with the resources that I have. I did go to a few interviews but they didn't seem to promising I went local and little bit long distance and the interviews went well but I'm pretty sure that they're hiring other people. Anyway I would like to write about my circle of friends that is seemingly depleting and slowly melting away from what it was. I almost feel the need to move on yet again, and find another group where I fit in and feel that i should be there inclusively, and not let these cliques take over our group as they have been. I have yet to express myself to a leader, although he's heard it already and the conversation happened a while ago. I crave love and friendship. I can't get that at home, or in many places, it's scarce.  Let me start by saying what I did on the last day with a good friend on Monday. There was a post from her asking for help or hanging out over on the group wall the that I was the only one who responded to it from the 50 people that saw it. Not even her close friends who visited her at the clinic seemed to respond to my knowledge. Then again, I can't see their posts because they blocked me on Facebook. That makes me sad, the worse thing is that there was a multitude of pictures posted of people gathering together, moving stuff from house to house, and playing video games together like NBA Jam without a care in the world for a friend they once loved and supported. I am very disappointed with people, it upset me quite a bit. The other set of people were on their anniversary, so they technically did not want to disturb that moment in their lives. I can't be mad about that. this particular friend was leaving the state for a while to better herself on a vacation type trip away from Pennsylvania and her parents and family because as my family is she is also in a  dysfunctional family so I am in the same boat when it comes to wanting to escape to somewhere better where people are logical and are able to get along with others well AKA a real friendship where communication is present and love is felt. The both of us we're unhappy but we ended up having lunch at Panera after going to the nail salon. We were going to go to the bookstore across the street but we did not have time because she had to pack for her flight 10:30 while waking up at 6:45 in the morning. She is writing a book exposing all the bad mental hospitals and stuff. I read some of her work on her blog. It went deep, and detailed like my literature.  I dropped her off at home went in and met her two lovely dogs and watched her pack and fold laundry which getting a full tour of her house which was nice. There was a large backyard, with a picnic table, a grill, a tree, and lots of green. The basement has lots of old hand made things, records, music, a Piano, Bar, Couch and other fun stuff down there. I really enjoyed seeing her family pictures up on the wall. They made me smile. she had one suitcase and two with her I saw all of her clothing including her unmentionables and other items. I felt so close that i was inclined to ask her to be my girlfriend, but I didn't really wanna push it. She was the only local Jewish girl that I knew, which was a plus. It's just a title... I didn't want to do naughty things with her. One day though hopefully I can break up with my hand / wrist / palm / porn addiction that I have and do the real thing. My V Card is still fresh and clean, never even kissed a girl. The Farthest I got was a hug, but nobody really wants me for some reason. They are missing out on something potentially awesome. I realized It won't exactly make me happy but, I still want something, a soulmate, partner, someone to live my life with. I get more jealous from all the engagements and marriages going around. We are at that age though, hopefully, we can find each other and maybe our lives could improve. I was fine being friends and wanted to avoid my past tragic mistakes with women from my past and some present people I have had issues with. She is 30, I am 27... pretty sure thats not cougar age yet. She had to pack things without alcohol, and the tops needed sleeves because it was co ed and it would be a distraction for the boys. She had a nice decorated room, that was neat like mine. There were dolls, and teddy bears much like my room but a bit smaller. During that time we fed her two cats and dogs. Zoey had a Heart Murmur,  she cried and whimpered while with us, and tried to escape when the door was open. She even tried crawling in the suitcase. That dog also has trouble with one of his eyes, but the doctor will see him soon. There was so much loving coming from that dog. It was a rescued dog from a previous abusive owner, so he was attached to her and followed her around nonstop. I felt move love from that than all of crossroads combined she's going to be a therapy dog one day, although she kinda already is one. Then I met her parents who were really nice people to my understanding I took a ride with them to a meeting which was 5 minutes away I gave my friend a big hug and watched her walk away.after that her mom and I talked on the way back to her house and we connected via social media so we could keep in contact between ourselves and my friend. She lives on a funny named set of streets that apparently used to be farmland. It seemed like a nice place, but also very weird, like enough to make you think you're on drugs and give you schizophrenia when you go outside. After that I went back to the mall area, saw my Israeli friend at her dejavu booth, and Shannon from American Eagle. It was short. Then I went to my routine stops at giant and Walmart where I picked up a few things and enjoyed the nice weather, despite having a headache it was good.

The emotional pictures in my newsfeed are coming back. I am starting to listen to certain music again such as soft Green Day music. I have overcome going to that place in my mind before I'm pretty sure I am not at that stage yet but hopefully I will not get there go Manic and drive people crazy yet again. Since I don't have a job I have become a lazy bum I don't work out I don't walk around anywhere I just sit and stay at home maybe I will get a gym membership or something because I need it. I technically do not have anything to leave my house for besides shopping and seeing friends at the moment so my life is melting away and Swinging away up and down and my parents do not appreciate it very much and we agree that we need a change in my life including selling the car and getting me a one bedroom apartment as soon as possible so I can really live on my own as long as it's affordable. I am hoping we can find a good place before it's too late because I've been having this bad cough and inflammation  and I went to see the doctor and she said I might be dying of pneumonia so I got an x-ray and she didn't say anything she gave me a inhaler that supposed to help but it did not. Summer is ending in the weather is getting nice so I will be walking around outside more often then be at home on my computer despite the amount of videos I watch on YouTube.I have two HP Computers now and I love them. This is the nice part of the season before it gets really cold and dark earlier in the day. The Holidays are coming. Trying lots of new foods and posting pictures of my discoveries on my Instagram.  There are local things I never noticed that I didn't known existed here , it's cool to see them. Okay, that is all for now.


*Add Parts about seeing Alexa at Walmart. In Pretzel Factory. She leaves on the 25th (Tomorrow) also moving to Florida with her Mom.

Feeling like an outsides or outcast. fuck those people though. Yael has rubbed off on me a bit. I need to use my Brain to it's full potential in a positive way.

Ahhhh... Saladworks... I remember the day I walked in during one of my walks after

walking around the area on gorgeous days outside walking past the hiring sign. I went in

a Graham was there working, I asked if he was hiring and he said yes, so I gave him my

info on a piece of paper and soon I got a call from Aleah the manager there saying to

come in for an interview. it was still summertime and it was warm. I was just coming off

my Job at Dettera in search for another job. Aleah was very nice and pleasant to interview

with. It went rather smoothly. She was younger than I am but she was happy and ran things

quite well. She taught me everything from the beginning, and then I met Preston and

Christina who helped guide me through my first week of mixing, making, floating, but most

of all washing the Dishes. I proceeded to learn about the Cash Register, the Rolls,

Bagging things up, and all the other stuff encompassing the Register area. I got really

good at it. As time went on I learned to clean tables, take out trash like my First Job

at the Masonic Village Nursing Home. That was easy stuff to do. Sometimes I had odd tasks

like cleaning the counters, glass, the bathrooms, and the mirror in the dining room.

Moving forward I also learned how to prep some ingredients and learned where everything

was in the case, and what kinds of salads we had, and what was in them. I know all of

them now but still look at the ingredients posted just to make sure I am doing it right.

Some people make changes sometimes but it's cool because it all costs the same unless you

get extra stuff, such as Dressing, Rolls, or more than whatever is in the salad that

you've ordered. Recently we had to raise our prices due to being bankrupt and not making

our business efficient enough to run on the budget that Dave, the owner had. Eventually

Aleah left and Gabby took her place. She made a few changes to the store and the food,

she was like a mom therapist kind of GM who everyone came to talk with when then had any

issues. Towards the middle we had our issues with washing dishes in the sink, too many

people telling me what to do, and just being plain old overwhelmed, pressured, and

stressed out from all the commotion. She was supposed to leave us with a new Manager but

she never came. Now that the store is shutting down, we will never know what would have

happened under new management. Then I met Deanna, I called her Deanna Banana because of a

show on TV called container wars where there was a group of Israelis making fun of this

lady named Danna, they made fun of her a lot. Eventually, Hadeer, Quierra, Charles, and

Carl came into the mix and things changed. Something in the air I guess? Hadeer was a

little power hungry, she and Quierra were made managers. Everyone else was already working

there like Jessica, Deanna, Christina, and Preston who we used to jam with blasting his

tunes out of his phone on our old school Radio System. They fired him and I'm still not

sure why, be he was the man, he had swag, and at one point he had Deanna, but I'm pretty

sure they are separated but still in contact. I think the two of them are really into

black guys, I may be wrong but... judging by some of the music I've heard from their

Phones, they like the African American Boys, not someone such as myself, not as far as

looks go anyway. I'll get back to that later. I met Jessica one day when she walked out

of the Bathroom, I thought she was Deanna, I had to look twice. She used to work at our

saladworks, but left, and Deanna got her Job back for her. She taught me some things

including stacking silverware, and making some better meals. She and her sister really

enjoy Karaoke, their family motto is "Sing like nobody's watching" we had a few days were

we sat together, and jammed along to music, Carl joined in sometimes and it was a lot of

fun knowing we have similar music tastes. My love for them got stronger over time, maybe

even too strong because they both mentioned me making them uncomfortable to Gabby... I

had a chat with Jessica, she said most of what was said is total bullshit, and she was

there just for the check and that's it. The both of them were always full of spunk,

happy, cheerful, and a light in my day, besides their looks, I really enjoyed their

company and valued their friendship. They even said I was a nice guy but they didn't seek

and interest in getting together outside the work environment. Jess told her boy toy

about me, but only good things. Deanna and I haven't gotten to a concrete answer because

when I mentioned inviting her to things she was up in the air and told me "I am so done

with this place" in the end she was always there to save us when nobody else was there.

She was a real delight to chat with. I stuck around the entire day just to get a few

words in, and be able to spend time and cherish what was left of our saladworks lifeline.

They would have rather I left, but I stayed not for selfish, creepy stalkerish reasons

but... it was a way to hang out without having to ask them and being denied of that

privilege. it hurts to know that the other people you love and care about don't feel the

same way. They are nice and appreciate it but, we're not exactly friends. At the end of

the day, we're just regular old people working together. This whole week has been full of

shock, stress, emotion, plenty of overthinking, depression, and insomniatic nights when I

can't seem to sleep despite my melatonin or other sleeping supplements that make me

drowsy and fall asleep. When you're full of anxiety, you could A.D.D and walk around for

hours and hours like I did today and not even notice because your brain was somewhere

completely different in an alternative universe away from society somewhere in lala land.

Life is Short, and sticking to one thing for the rest of your life isn't too great. Going

out to different jobs teaches you how real life is, and how society is. If you're

comfortable in a situation, you're not in the right place. You need motivation to strive

and get goals done in life. If you devote all your time to something that's irrelevant

and doesn't matter, you'll be wasting it away, I do that a lot, but it tends to help

clear my mind. I enjoy reading it after a while when I forget about it. I look at this

stuff and say, "oh yeah, that actually happened" and read it in full detail trying to

remember everything, but mostly the good times. Saladworks has fed me till now, I've only

had their Bread, Soup, and Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. I don't really have much of those

anymore because it's warm out and I see the Box the Rolls come out of. The Flat Bread

comes out from the bag and is usually touched by the person making his or her sandwhich.

I enjoyed mixing all the cheese, adding the garlic spread, and being able to use the

Panini to create my own meal. Things were steady for a while and then things turned for

the worst. We argued and had heated conversation every single day, costumers heard us

bicker and complain, we were in a bad state of mind. None of us really seemed to get

along or work things out in the end. I'm pretty sure Dave heard about it, in addition to

the Bankruptcy so he was upset at all of us and now our jobs and money are gone. We only

had one week of notice too, it was a shock to all of us. Tempers Flared, and emotions

were raging beyond belief. I myself panicked and still to this day am worried about not

seeing my friends again. Especially Deanna, Jess too, but I really started to enjoy being

with Deanna more and more. Maybe there's something better out there, and god has a plan

to put me there with someone who likes me for me and not just superficially. God's love

is above all. Like the Beatles said "All you need is love, love is all you need" I had

the same situation after I left my 8 Month Employment at Walmart. I nearly Cried in

Public and in the Parking lot because I was overly upset and just sad. I still keep in

touch with a few people over facebook but that's about it. One Door Closes, and another

Door my better opportunities comes along. Unless a Miracle happens, this is it. The Final

Countdown. I will probably not forget about my experiences for a while. I've gotten to

learn so many cool things about people, and salads. We had some fancy characters and

familiar faces come in. I hope they know we're gonna be closed. lots of people feel

sympathetic are are sorry for us. They wish us the best of luck though. Luck does not

bring people together or ring in money, unless it's Gambling or something. I just need to

take a breath and let it go, just keep breathing like the We The Kings Song. Without the

Dark, the light won't show. I should learn to let it go and focus on my future at Primo

Hoagies, or the other Lab in Mongomeryville. Both seem like decent jobs. I've walked by

the Hoagie shop, it's mostly a bunch of dudes. The Manager is a Lady though, her name is

Judy and she is very polite.

***

Letter to Deanna

although you probably don't feel the same way about our friendship (at least according to Gabby) I still would like to know if your up for hanging with out some other time. Your work is impressive and your bright smile really lights up my day. We could do fun YouTube things as two good friends. We'd be doing something we both enjoy doing, and have a nice snack while you're at it. As long as you're not completely repulsed by it, I'm good. I've always wanted a friend to sit down and do something with, male or female.  I'm not trying to hook up with you, just being a friend and thinking of friendly, Enjoyable activities. I'd love to hear your thoughts. If not, I'll get over it eventually. But I will miss you, and maybe you and Jess will miss me too? Y'all are two of the best co workers I've ever met and I'm glad I did. I'd be really upset if any of us are never in contact and never see each other again. I'm a very sensitive person, and it would be sad to just forget about months of working with awesome people who really liked you for you, beyond your looks, I like the inside of you both. I still have your Number, I am hoping you'd keep mine in your Phone. I have alternative ways of contact as well. I hope it's okay that I text you once in a while. I don't intend to interject myself into your personal life because I've heard you don't like talking about it to people, I am the same. Some things are kept private for a reason. I may not have any value, but you're one of the people I intended to keep in touch with besides Michelle, Christina, maybe Gabby, Hadeer, Charles, Quierra & Carl (I'll see probably) them anyway, almost everyone there. But since I met you, you were on the top of that list and you just kept going up as we grew closer and learned about each other. Ive had it on my mind since the day I heard we were closing and have been anxious about not seeing you and losing a part of my life in Saladworks, where I was exceeding expectations and impressing Gabby always up on the line or wherever, ready to work. I'm thankful for the assistance I've gotten over time when I needed it. I have changed my life because of this job, and since its local, I'm not sure what the future is for the establishment... Guess that's up to Dave and corporate. If we would have all done our work and not create so much drama, maybe we could still have our jobs and see each other on a regular basis. I noticed we weren't making as much money as usual, especially during the afternoon and late night rush, people stopped coming and everyone who noticed the sign came up and said sorry, we're worried about our jobs, and wished us the best of luck in our future endeavors. I've also learned that Jess was an art major, she likes puppies, mandarin chicken salads, babysitting kids, and also pizza... Maybe more. She mentioned 4 Dogs and 2 Cats. I've seen them in your profile pics, very lovable like your family. Keep an open mind and don't forget to be awesome! Whatever happens, Dan will still be Dan, and he'll be able to go back to doing his thing even if it takes some time. Not like this is drastic or Tragic but... It's close. Jess mentioned people making up bullshit. We're all just here for the Paycheck, because we need to live.

I guess you could say my co workers I
called friends turned heel on me as in the wrestling business. Gabby said they only
wanted to be my friends at work and nothing else. Since I lost my friends at church and I
was getting cool with my co workers everything was moving steadily. It's falling apart
again. Soon it will be just me, myself, and I. I want you to consider us being friends, I
want to be your friend in real life, and not on facebook. Communication is a key to a
good friendship. I can meet your friends, and you could meet mine. We like to sing, and
there are always snacks. We're generally local, and Divine diverse group of people.
I've never met someone who can connect on YouTube stuff with me we really clicked on

that. I'm gonna miss that if I don't have it... for now anyways

This is my Video Update

Saladworks

Ahhhh... Saladworks... I remember the day I walked in during one of my walks after

walking around the area on gorgeous days outside walking past the hiring sign. I went in

a Graham was there working, I asked if he was hiring and he said yes, so I gave him my

info on a piece of paper and soon I got a call from Aleah the manager there saying to

come in for an interview. it was still summertime and it was warm. I was just coming off

my Job at Dettera in search for another job. Aleah was very nice and pleasant to interview

with. It went rather smoothly. She was younger than I am but she was happy and ran things

quite well. She taught me everything from the beginning, and then I met Preston and

Christina who helped guide me through my first week of mixing, making, floating, but most

of all washing the Dishes. I proceeded to learn about the Cash Register, the Rolls,

Bagging things up, and all the other stuff encompassing the Register area. I got really

good at it. As time went on I learned to clean tables, take out trash like my First Job

at the Masonic Village Nursing Home. That was easy stuff to do. Sometimes I had odd tasks

like cleaning the counters, glass, the bathrooms, and the mirror in the dining room.

Moving forward I also learned how to prep some ingredients and learned where everything

was in the case, and what kinds of salads we had, and what was in them. I know all of

them now but still look at the ingredients posted just to make sure I am doing it right.

Some people make changes sometimes but it's cool because it all costs the same unless you

get extra stuff, such as Dressing, Rolls, or more than whatever is in the salad that

you've ordered. Recently we had to raise our prices due to being bankrupt and not making

our business efficient enough to run on the budget that Dave, the owner had. Eventually

Aleah left and Gabby took her place. She made a few changes to the store and the food,

she was like a mom therapist kind of GM who everyone came to talk with when then had any

issues. Towards the middle we had our issues with washing dishes in the sink, too many

people telling me what to do, and just being plain old overwhelmed, pressured, and

stressed out from all the commotion. She was supposed to leave us with a new Manager but

she never came. Now that the store is shutting down, we will never know what would have

happened under new management. Then I met Deanna, I called her Deanna Banana because of a

show on TV called container wars where there was a group of Israelis making fun of this

lady named Danna, they made fun of her a lot. Eventually, Hadeer, Quierra, Charles, and

Carl came into the mix and things changed. Something in the air I guess? Hadeer was a

little power hungry, she and Quierra were made managers. Everyone else was already working

there like Jessica, Deanna, Christina, and Preston who we used to jam with blasting his

tunes out of his phone on our old school Radio System. They fired him and I'm still not

sure why, be he was the man, he had swag, and at one point he had Deanna, but I'm pretty

sure they are separated but still in contact. I think the two of them are really into

black guys, I may be wrong but... judging by some of the music I've heard from their

Phones, they like the African American Boys, not someone such as myself, not as far as

looks go anyway. I'll get back to that later. I met Jessica one day when she walked out

of the Bathroom, I thought she was Deanna, I had to look twice. She used to work at our

saladworks, but left, and Deanna got her Job back for her. She taught me some things

including stacking silverware, and making some better meals. She and her sister really

enjoy Karaoke, their family motto is "Sing like nobody's watching" we had a few days were

we sat together, and jammed along to music, Carl joined in sometimes and it was a lot of

fun knowing we have similar music tastes. My love for them got stronger over time, maybe

even too strong because they both mentioned me making them uncomfortable to Gabby... I

had a chat with Jessica, she said most of what was said is total bullshit, and she was

there just for the check and that's it. The both of them were always full of spunk,

happy, cheerful, and a light in my day, besides their looks, I really enjoyed their

company and valued their friendship. They even said I was a nice guy but they didn't seek

and interest in getting together outside the work environment. Jess told her boy toy

about me, but only good things. Deanna and I haven't gotten to a concrete answer because

when I mentioned inviting her to things she was up in the air and told me "I am so done

with this place" in the end she was always there to save us when nobody else was there.

She was a real delight to chat with. I stuck around the entire day just to get a few

words in, and be able to spend time and cherish what was left of our saladworks lifeline.

They would have rather I left, but I stayed not for selfish, creepy stalkerish reasons

but... it was a way to hang out without having to ask them and being denied of that

privilege. it hurts to know that the other people you love and care about don't feel the

same way. They are nice and appreciate it but, we're not exactly friends. At the end of

the day, we're just regular old people working together. This whole week has been full of

shock, stress, emotion, plenty of overthinking, depression, and insomniatic nights when I

can't seem to sleep despite my melatonin or other sleeping supplements that make me

drowsy and fall asleep. When you're full of anxiety, you could A.D.D and walk around for

hours and hours like I did today and not even notice because your brain was somewhere

completely different in an alternative universe away from society somewhere in lala land.

Life is Short, and sticking to one thing for the rest of your life isn't too great. Going

out to different jobs teaches you how real life is, and how society is. If you're

comfortable in a situation, you're not in the right place. You need motivation to strive

and get goals done in life. If you devote all your time to something that's irrelevant

and doesn't matter, you'll be wasting it away, I do that a lot, but it tends to help

clear my mind. I enjoy reading it after a while when I forget about it. I look at this

stuff and say, "oh yeah, that actually happened" and read it in full detail trying to

remember everything, but mostly the good times. Saladworks has fed me till now, I've only

had their Bread, Soup, and Grilled Cheese Sandwiches. I don't really have much of those

anymore because it's warm out and I see the Box the Rolls come out of. The Flat Bread

comes out from the bag and is usually touched by the person making his or her sandwhich.

I enjoyed mixing all the cheese, adding the garlic spread, and being able to use the

Panini to create my own meal. Things were steady for a while and then things turned for

the worst. We argued and had heated conversation every single day, costumers heard us

bicker and complain, we were in a bad state of mind. None of us really seemed to get

along or work things out in the end. I'm pretty sure Dave heard about it, in addition to

the Bankruptcy so he was upset at all of us and now our jobs and money are gone. We only

had one week of notice too, it was a shock to all of us. Tempers Flared, and emotions

were raging beyond belief. I myself panicked and still to this day am worried about not

seeing my friends again. Especially Deanna, Jess too, but I really started to enjoy being

with Deanna more and more. Maybe there's something better out there, and god has a plan

to put me there with someone who likes me for me and not just superficially. God's love

is above all. Like the Beatles said "All you need is love, love is all you need" I had

the same situation after I left my 8 Month Employment at Walmart. I nearly Cried in

Public and in the Parking lot because I was overly upset and just sad. I still keep in

touch with a few people over facebook but that's about it. One Door Closes, and another

Door my better opportunities comes along. Unless a Miracle happens, this is it. The Final

Countdown. I will probably not forget about my experiences for a while. I've gotten to

learn so many cool things about people, and salads. We had some fancy characters and

familiar faces come in. I hope they know we're gonna be closed. lots of people feel

sympathetic are are sorry for us. They wish us the best of luck though. Luck does not

bring people together or ring in money, unless it's Gambling or something. I just need to

take a breath and let it go, just keep breathing like the We The Kings Song. Without the

Dark, the light won't show. I should learn to let it go and focus on my future at Primo

Hoagies, or the other Lab in Mongomeryville. Both seem like decent jobs. I've walked by

the Hoagie shop, it's mostly a bunch of dudes. The Manager is a Lady though, her name is

Judy and she is very polite.

***

Letter to Deanna

although you probably don't feel the same way about our friendship (at least according to
Gabby) I still would like to know if your up for hanging with out some other time. Your
work is impressive and your bright smile really lights up my day. We could do fun YouTube
things as two good friends. I'd love to hear your thoughts. If not, I'll get over it
eventually. But I will miss you, and maybe you and Jess will miss me too? Y'all are two
of the best co workers I've ever met and I'm glad I did. I'd be really upset if any of us
are never in contact and never see each other again. I'm a very sensitive person, and it
would be sad to just forget about months of working with awesome people who really liked
you for you, beyond your looks, I like the inside of you both. I still have your Number,
I am hoping you'd keep mine in your Phone. I have alternative ways of contact as well. I
hope it's okay that I text you once in a while. I don't intend to interject myself into
your personal life, or invade your personal space and privacy because I've heard you
don't like talking about it to people, I am the same. Some things are meant to stay
private for a reason. I may not have any value, but you're one of the people I intended
to keep in touch with besides Michelle, Christina, Preston (Who I have been keeping  up
with over Facebook) maybe Gabby, Hadeer, Charles, Quierra & Carl (I'll probably see then around McDonalds or thing anyway or talk online) almost everyone there. But since I met you, you were on the top of that list and you just kept going up as we grew closer and learned about each other. Ive had it on my mind since the day I heard we were closing and have been anxious about not seeing you
and losing a part of my life in Saladworks, where I was exceeding expectations and
impressing Gabby always up on the line or wherever, ready to work. I'm thankful for the
assistance I've gotten over time when I needed it. I have changed my life because of this
job, and since its local, I'm not sure what the future is for the establishment... Guess
that's up to Dave and corporate. If we would have all done our work and not create so
much drama,maybe we could still have our jobs and see each other on a regular basis. I
noticed we weren't making as much money as usual, especially during the afternoon and
late night rush, people stopped coming and everyone who noticed the sign came up and said
sorry, we're worried about our jobs, and wished us the best of luck in our future
endeavors. I've also learned that Jess was an art major, she likes puppies, mandarin
chicken salads, babysitting kids, and also pizza... Maybe more. She mentioned 4 Dogs and
2 Cats. I've seen them in your profile pics, very lovable like your family. Keep an open
mind and don't forget to be awesome! Whatever happens, Dan will still be Dan, and he'll
be able to go back to doing his thing even if it takes some time. Not like this is
drastic or Tragic but... It's close. Jess mentioned people making up bullshit. We're all
just here for the Paycheck, because we need to live.I guess you could say my co workers I
called friends turned heel on me as in the wrestling business. Gabby said they only
wanted to be my friends at work and nothing else. Since I lost my friends at church and I
was getting cool with my co workers everything was moving steadily. It's falling apart
again. Soon it will be just me, myself, and I. I want you to consider us being friends, I
want to be your friend in real life, and not on facebook. Communication is a key to a
good friendship. I can meet your friends, and you could meet mine. We like to sing, and
there are always snacks. We're generally local, and Divine diverse group of people.
I've never met someone who can connect on YouTube stuff with me we really clicked on
that. I'm gonna miss that if I don't have it... for now anyways

What I have so far. - Need to fix Paragraphs.

Notes from iPod, get the rest.

We Jammed today at work to familiar music. Good times! Apparently, Jessica knows a bit of

black music on her phone jamming out alone is one thing, jamming with friends makes it

better. She has cool points from knowing this stuff.
Green Day - Time of your life

Put the work statuses together, including the Jess and Deanna one from before. Let's run

away and never look back. Katy Perry TGIF. From the beginning, I've had a thing for

Deanna, and then her sister came, but it's back to Deanna now. It just keeps getting

stronger and more compulsive to love and cherish her to make sure she's happy. It's

probably best not to butt in any further because they're not having it.

Voice, smiles, impressive cleanliness, organization, having others to talk to in the

female department on a regular basis. Their genuinely mature, kind attitudes. How we

connect on music, YouTube, pizza. How they maintained composure most of the time. They

had style and their own way to do things going beyond their call of duty without being

asked by others.like me, thru came in, got work done, and went on out. Their spunk,

cheerful upbeat attitude. They Sing well like nobody is watching. Puppies are a thing.

They really enjoy Karaoke. When they have their tunes on, singing along is one of their

Hobbies. Jess was an Art Major like her sister, she's got a few Drawings some of which

were up at her school manor college. She's got a Babysitting Job on the side too. She's

gotta be patient and good with the kiddos.

Eyes Watering - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Either my Allergies are getting really bad, or

I'm overthinking about stuff that won't matter or work out the way I want in the end

causing my Tear Ducts to uncontrollably flow
Cough syrup - Life's too short to even care at all.
We're not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again. - Pink
Oasis - Wonder Wall, Champagne Supernova
Umbrella - Rhianna
How to save a life - the fray
Panic at the disco - this is gospel
Papa Roach - Scars

*** They both workout, looks like LA Fitness *** (See Their Instagram)
No need to take Drastic measures. As Hadeer said, life goes on! see if you can snag

Jessie's # From Quiera just to see if it's what I have. I need to branch out, and expand

my friendship and experience. Sticking to the same thing forever isn't great. Life is

short, and you only get one. The more stuff you do, the more you know / learn. Moving up

the ladder comes quicker with experience. Learning from mistakes helps too.

*****************************************************************************************

*****************************************************************************************

***************

I guess you could say my co workers I called friends turned heel on me as in the

wrestling business. Gabby said they only wanted to be my friends at work and nothing

else. Since I lost my friends at church and I was getting cool with my co workers

everything was moving steadily. It's falling apart again.

All of this is March 2016


thinking about stuff at My Bedroom.
There's an abnormal flow coming out of my Ducts from over thinking and being stressed out

like 21 Pilots. It's a heavy load to handle, but I can push though and survived like when

I left my other Job at Walmart last Summer. God help me sleep, and free me from this

funk! 4:22 am
---
One Door Closes, another one Opens! 2 Days left till total meltdown / destruction! - At

Saladworks- Better things are yet to come that are better than this. Being Stuck here may

hinder us from moving up in the ladder.
---
Late night showers to relax and rejuvenate my Soul after two full days of work, and being

an insomniac due to my thoughts about life... Feels good. Hope I can sleep without meds,

alcohol, or my Neuro Sleep Drink. 3 Days left till we shut down forever, and my fears may

as well become reality unless a miracle happens. God be with all of us on this one! When

you're missing someone and you know they're not gonna miss you at all.

---

That feeling at the end if the school year in the summer when most of your friends

graduate, and you lose contact and never be in touch ever again... Except this is Fast

Forward, and we're losing income from it... Sad

---

You know your upset, in a bad mood, depressed, and down on doing anything in life when

you're a grown man who nearly shed emotional life tears in public today. Not even see my

friends really helped either. Send some prayers, they're appreciated!

---

Out of Bed with the Birds @ 6:00 AM because I can't sleep (Thoughts about future

life)...The Sunrise in the Sky looks pretty it is what it is though. Contemplating what

to do with my life Dropping everything till I get out of this funk. Days like this

require more than Hugs, Ice Cream, Caffeine (Food Mood and Brain Boost) and more... All I

need is lots of love.

---

When you make good friends, and you don't wanna lose them because you've kinda become

attached to them after working many shifts and learning about their though their work.

It's tough to just lose contact in a snap. We have Facebook and Texting, but in reality,

how many times can we really chill together? We're mostly sparse around town so getting

together would take some valiant effort on both ends. Our generation doesn't really do

much of that. Sad. Besides the Love of God, not much else can fill that void

---

As soon as we Drive off after a Day at work... Bam! Emotions hit me and I Panic... But

not at the Disco though! Living Every day as if it were my last shift, or day to live on

this planet. I could drop dead any moment. However, a friend came into work today, which

made me smile seeing her. Seeing my regular friends tomorrow night! Yipeeeee!

---

Let it go! Forget about yesterday. Focus on the Future!

---
Heaven happens in your eyes today my love - This was in Hebrew, the day I saw Deanna.

---

the smell of the soap we used the mop especially when jess used it.


---

although you probably don't feel the same way about our friendship (at least according to 

Gabby) I still would like to know if your up for hanging with out some other time. Your 

work is impressive and your bright smile really lights up my day. We could do fun YouTube 

things as two good friends. I'd love to hear your thoughts. If not, I'll get over it 

eventually. But I will miss you, and maybe you and Jess will miss me too? Y'all are two 

of the best co workers I've ever met and I'm glad I did. I'd be really upset if any of us 

are never in contact and never see each other again. I'm a very sensitive person, and it 

would be sad to just forget about months of working with awesome people who really liked 

you for you, beyond your looks, I like the inside of you both. I still have your Number, 

I am hoping you'd keep mine in your Phone. I have alternative ways of contact as well. I 

hope it's okay that I text you once in a while. I don't intend to interject myself into 

your personal life, or invade your personal space and privacy because I've heard you 

don't like talking about it to people, I am the same. Some things are meant to stay 

private for a reason. I may not have any value, but you're one of the people I intended 

to keep in touch with besides Michelle, Christina, Preston (Who I have been keepinmg up 

with over Facebook) maybe Gabby, Hadeer, Charles, Quierra & Carl (I'll see probably) them 

anyway, almost everyone there. But since I met you, you were on the top of that list and 

you just kept going up as we grew closer and learned about each other. Ive had it on my 

mind since the day I heard we were closing and have been anxious about not seeing you and 

losing a part of my life in Saladworks, where I was exceeding expectations and impressing 

Gabby always up on the line or wherever, ready to work. I'm thankful for the assistance 

I've gotten over time when I needed it. I have changed my life because of this job, and 

since its local, I'm not sure what the future is for the establishment... Guess that's up 

to Dave and corporate. If we would have all done our work and not create so much drama, 

maybe we could still have our jobs and see each other on a regular basis. I noticed we 

weren't making as much money as usual, especially during the afternoon and late night 

rush, people stopped coming and everyone who noticed the sign came up and said sorry, 

we're worried about our jobs, and wished us the best of luck in our future endeavors. 

I've also learned that Jess was an art major, she likes puppies, mandarin chicken salads, 

babysitting kids, and also pizza... Maybe more. She mentioned 4 Dogs and 2 Cats. I've 

seen them in your profile pics, very lovable like your family. Keep an open mind and 

don't forget to be awesome! Whatever happens, Dan will still be Dan, and he'll be able to 

go back to doing his thing even if it takes some time. Not like this is drastic or Tragic 

but... It's close. Jess mentioned people making up bullshit. We're all just here for the 

Paycheck, because we need to live.
I guess you could say my co workers I called friends turned heel on me as in the 

wrestling business. Gabby said they only wanted to be my friends at work and nothing 

else. Since I lost my friends at church and I was getting cool with my co workers 

everything was moving steadily. It's falling apart again. Soon it will be just me, 


myself, and I. I want you to consider us being friends, I want to be your friend in real life, and not on facebook. Communication is a key to a good friendship. I can meet your friends, and you could meet mine. We like to sing, and there are always snacks. We're generally local, and Divine diverse group of people.

I've never met someone who can connect on YouTube stuff with me we really clicked on that. I'm gonna miss that if I don't have it... for now anyways

The Result Of Being Manic - Unfortunate Stuff That Happened

Actual Things To Apologize For

Tim - Lying is the same as telling you all I remembered, the phone conversations, not apologizing, not admitting or realizing I did something wrong.

Steve - I'm sure there's something about over the phone and more

Ricky - Asking to interrogate his GF, being cryptic, repeating myself too many times, not listening or wanting to change. Not being a good friend, calling him high school names over text, not understanding why I wasn't invited and I took it very personally and negatively.

Alex - For telling him about my experience with Katie and that it sounded like I was trying to scare him away from her for myself. Saying words like I've been there, which translated to Julz that I've been there before as I tapped on Ricky's shoulder for condolences.

Julz - Not handing the situation properly, making her uncomfortable, scaring her with my words to Ricky, the Facebook chat thing.

Mel - Bothering you endlessly about Katie and wondering how she felt about me. I hurt Katie, family feels it too. Maybe I was coming on too strong?

Katie - Creeping around her neighborhood during warmer days, and on her social activity from second profile, telling someone new things about her rather than Alex finding out things on his own. That's not my place to do it. Just being pissy, angry, anti social, and making her the scapegoat of all my problems, letting my OCD get the best of me. Sticking to my relationship goals and fantasizing that she was the one for me because of our common mindset and life experiences growing up in the same area and the same school system. We really connect when we get down to a personal level. I still feel that out love and friendship is still somewhere in existence as we communicated well while helping her love Aaron take the Stuff out from his house to then Mobile Pod. Closing the Door was important.

I never intended for this to happen. I do not want to cause and disorder between anyone of us but that's how it ended up being. Throughout my life these types of things happened to me so I've learned to brush them off and leave them behind until they stabilize out. This whole ordeal has been a slow Devastating process that is taking way too long. Meanwhile I am missing out on my friends and their activities. I am no longer allowed to come on Tuesdays. However, I managed to say my goodbyes to Aaron which was good. I am also cut off from group me... In addition to Katie, Mel, Julz and maybe a few other Facebook profiles. I literally can see what's happening if I don't look from my other profile. The last game night, sledding, and maybe more I've been oblivious to because one of the girls posted and I couldn't see, but I found out later. That Hurts. Even when I'm working. It hurts to know I can't see the posts of activities of the group in full had I intended to attend which I did. Weeks ago I missed out on Christmas and New Years gatherings. I sat at home pissed off, yelling and cursing at my friends angrily through my cellular device for long periods of time. I was so mad and upset then, but I think those raging emotions have left me for now and I'm better at controlling myself. I hurt a number of people in multiple ways I can't even fathom, but I may just understand one day. I still care about those people I once called friends. I still have a big heart on for them and their friendships. I still cherish any forms of love that I can receive. Things are moving like a choo choo train, I just need to throw more Cole in the fire and keep on progressing down the right track. Although I may have really hated you weeks ago there is still that same love I had for you deeply engraved in my soul. If I can write all this stuff... That either means I am really OCD, and if I talk about you a lot, it means I'm crazy about you. Your Smile, and the rest of you. You illuminate any room you walk into. Your Spirit is strong like mine, but it also has a breaking point from past relationships and difficult experiences in our lives. Not to sound overly attached or clingy.

Jumbled Thoughts Of My Life Situations 1-14-16

To whom it may concern, I wanted to apologize for the things I have put you through I believe none of it should have happened this way in the first place things have been happening even before this incident between Katie and I. I feel I  haven't had an opportunity for an update of how our relationship has been I would like to sit down and chat either Tuesday night or another night when people are free and try to discuss my intentions and discuss how they affected different people differently generally I am a nice person unless I am very upset or angry then you will get the other side of Danny which is not good it is not really a good self I guess you could say things have been going downhill since the night of Steve's 30th birthday party the night that I went out in the rain and walked Katie to her car which we could not find very easily and asked her out I believe it went really well I said a lot of things she said a lot of things she mentioned that she wants to be with herself right now because she's not looking for a relationship and she previously was dating rich and even previously before that she was it a relationship that I have no idea what it was about plot I take it understood wasn't good from what I've heard her say indirectly I understood that she does not want to date anyone especially people at crossroads a few days later I was so upset and posting Facebook statuses and pictures and other updates about love and relationships and how I was stressed out and feeling down not mentioning any names or any specifics as I remember but she saw them in the intelligent person that she is found out that they were all connected and they were all about her so she felt uncomfortable and decided to block me which has been a little bit of an issue for me because of the gaps in the Facebook posts and now that more people are blocking me I see more gaps in in the posts and I cannot read the full conversations which is annoying sometimes if I really want to read the conversations I can most likely see them from my alternate profile which is not a lot of the new people know about the old people that I was friends with may remember but I'm not sure because I had been friends with them on both profiles so I am pretty much open on whatever is public over there so if I really need to see something I will

I meant to ask what that does for people I'm guessing they don't want me to see their updates which really cuts me off and cut off all the conversation topics we could have so are comfortable silence is not golden instead they're just silences because none of us know what is going on in each other’s lives and that makes it difficult to get to know somebody but there is always the old fashion way of asking people face-to-face and really having someone on one time with them but having Asperger’s in a little bit of social anxiety it's not very easy to express myself or start a conversation with new people or even people that I know and that's tough there are a lot of things that I am afraid to do there are many things that I am holding back from saying and doing and I might be missing out on some cool stuff because of that which is unfortunate but having people not know all of that may come off as being different and a little weird which we all are but we are family of accepting people so we let everyone in without judgment with open arms and the love of the Lord that love is not easy to feel when you have a pack of wild hyenas angry at you for things that you think you did not do wrong or were not sinful as a Jewish person we have different beliefs and different systems in our culture so most of those things that they believe are not exactly relevant to me. But some of the things are similar and they even make sense to me. Like Jaclyn Glenn's T shirt says, "Logic" is the way to go, and she is an atheist.

And now a list of bad things that I have done or I feel others have done to me. First things first I definitely idolize women and like women and would like a girlfriend and I thought I may have found one in Katie as we had similar interests grew up in the same area went to the same high school both did I guess similar things before and after being in a group I can't think of many specifics right now but all I know is that we thought life at some point and that was really attractive to me also being you helps and attractive body helps really turn on the magnetic charm for a while I thought she would enjoy being in a relationship because I remember feeling that she led me on all she may have not been doing that at all I was definitely giving her clear some learns that I liked her more than a friend and I let people know on the side and they help me get to the day that I actually asked my first girl out and it was not easy but I did it I have broken the asking girl out virginity and it felt great to overcome that and I felt like I could overcome more of these situations with the help of my friend Josh and maybe a few others who helped while this process was happening what made it worse was I also took a tumble on the sidewalk my glasses fell I fell on my knees and hands and it was in the rain all for hurrying up to get a card for the Dettera which was the restaurant I was currently working for and I was hoping to take her out because a lot of couples are going there and their food seemed really good and cheap and it was a nice quiet place with lots of wine and a good variety of food and alcohol anyone would like it although I did not like working there so much because there was not much to do I think it would be enjoyable to go there and then walk around town after because that was a good plan of mine I did not have any backups that was the right thing that I could offer at the moment I had money I had a car I had a decent job I had connections with her friends over there but all of that did not help even my confidence boost did not help very much but I got through it even though I was moping around in the car just vibing to country music for hours at a time because she likes country music and I was starting to listen to it again and listen to the songs and most of them had the sea trend of love trucks and music and other country folk music but it was warm in there was a sunbeam in the car so it also felt really great and enjoyable and relaxing because I literally could not do anything else during that time I couldn't do anything because I was depressed and anxious worried among other emotions I was pretty much devastated for the first time in a while and then month-to-month later it happen again but I didn't lose too much except for some friendships which are really important to me now all we do is have meetings to discuss how to fix this and how to take baby steps and do things comfortably so both sides will be able to cope and express themselves in a comfortable orderly fashion when the day comes when we actually do meet and chat. In no particular order I need to start with Rich and Julz because they have been nothing but patient with me and they've been putting up with my shit for a while and I think our friendship would still be there which would be good mom after that I would like to apologize to other people going up the ladder all the way to Mel and eventually top person I want to apologize to which would be Katie. Tim and Steve are definitely somewhere in the middle because I lie and they're still not happy about that but they are my advocates and they are helping me through the process as best they can even considering giving me words and better ways to do things and how to be logical. We will be meeting one-on-one outside of Tuesdays because I am not going to be attending due to broken relationships and the ladies being uncomfortable and concerned with their safety because of all this I am really not a violent person the most dangerous weapon I have is in my mouth spoiler alert it is my tongue I don't chase people with knives or shoot them with guns I don't poison peoples drinks or do anything crazy like that anymore I have learned from that mistake and that anxiety attack that I will not get anywhere from doing that then people will really be afraid. All this from a few words in the parking lot of madmex and ongoing things that I have been saying during group time that are frowned upon. I really want to talk and tell her how I feel because the longer we are silent the longer we are procrastinating and prolonging what is inevitable Tim says we might be closer friends after that but I am not too sure because there is not much faith over on my end

I don't know why these things are happening to me I not sure if this is just part of god’s plan or if it is just a coincidence because life you should suck it to not be easy for anybody and we should all be living in our own hell in our own sin for as long as we all should live maybe there is a reason for all this happening besides finding ourselves in getting to know who we really are maybe there is a growth and wisdom to come of this and just general knowledge so we can live better lives and know more. Rich said I was a good writer and I am I love to write I use the journal on road trips at high school I wrote for the newspaper also I write really good details and memories of everything from the day or the experience that I can I don't know where those things are but they are in paper form somewhere in the house my newer stuff is in my email or on my blog but most of the newer stuff is about girls and stress and problems I've been having just struggles in life I like reading back on those in remembering all the things I have overcome and the experiences that I am ahead and maybe when I'm gone one day someone will stumble upon it and maybe they will get something out of it because I like people reading my stuff although nobody can find it on the Internet besides the people I send it to not to sound too cocky but I think I deserve some sort of prize for at least some of my writings because they are that good they should go in the history Museum for relationships which will probably be a thing one day. Aside from all of this my life is neutral and seems as it is normally out and I can breathe I am working two jobs and making an income which is good I have money for food or stuff I want to splurge on it's not much but it's better than nothing it's a good distraction from all of the bullshit in my life and it is productive as well so that is good my coworkers are nice too and they will always lend an ear if I need them to. They asked me if I have a girlfriend a lot and I just tell them no I don't need to worry about that I haven't said anything about anybody through them besides that but if they really want to know I guess I can tell them but I not sure if I want to mix business and personal together because that might affect my job in a negative way. One job provides me with money and my other job has provided me with an iPhone 5s which I am using to speak out this email which is why it is so long. I have been really tired the last few days because of all of the work that I have done waking up early driving around cutting up stuff so I am doing it this way plus my keyboard isn't exactly the best and isn't always accurate so this microphone is really good is entire phone is very good and fast it is on the Verizon network I can do everything I can with a regular iPhone even though it is a work phone I mainly use it to tether the network connection to my computer or iPod because our box turns off at 4 o'clock in the afternoon because my parents set it up that way so this is my way around it. Even though it may use a lot of data I don't think it's costing anyone anything but I'm sure they will let me know because I am using it a lot and I am using it more than my regular phone because it does almost everything except for personal text messages but it does do that just from a different number. I will look back and read this later and maybe we can filter some of this out and gather what I already typed long ago that make one hybrid logical message that's really clear and understandable with details and whatever else is needed. I still think Julianna was the perpetrator here. But she was only protecting her friend so she has reasons to do what she did. I wrote the word be a little down in my dictionary I basically said that I did not want to belittle Katie but I'm not sure of the context I was intending to write it in. I'm sure I will find a way to put that in my dictionary of words and maybe I will even add it to my old word list blog if it's not in there already and updated for this situation because that was a learning experience and I really enjoyed using big words that make me seem and feel smarter than I actually was. All I need is an opportunity to present itself in an orderly fashion and we will get business done and I will come back to the group and nobody will have irrational fears or discomfort around me and we will go back to the way we were or even better after we all understand each other some of us might be in a hospital some of us might be dead but it all depends on what gets thrown where whether it be fists shit hitting the fan or any other blunt objects being tossed through the air Tossed Salad may even be included there if you know urban dictionary lingo. Only time will tell and only God knows our fate. Whatever will happen will happen and I will be ready to go when it does I will have all of my supplies in my head it in words in my mouth maybe I will improvise to sound genuine and speak from my heart not from my penis or my butt hole or out of spite or anger hopefully it will go well and we will all survive either way I left a dent on some people’s lives and they left a dent on mine I'm not sure how long it will last but we shall see soon how everything goes in baby steps comfortable baby steps where we won't stumble and fall and break or anything bad like that. I think that is all for now goodbye.

I was not trying to scare anyone from doing anything but I guess it was taken that way to people with new people like each other they can go like each other I should not have said anything because that is not good that makes people judge other people think differently I've gossiped two new people about other new people in the group and make them feel uncomfortable I was only trying to educate them so that nothing else would happen to lose their lives like it happened to me but in the end it became worse and evolve and mutilated into whatever we're  today and now people are bad and it is manifesting in their lives and mine slightly baby it was by Tourette's maybe it was OCD but whatever I did I did not intentionally not with no intent or said or did to hurt people or make anyone uncomfortable or scare anyone I'm just saying that when a person likes another person they tend to talk about that person spread the love about them even when they are not in the room but I guess I came off too strong and misunderstood so this situation to play I love people in a different way my heart is big but years or open my arms are open but none of that matters at the moment all that matters is that our friend chips come back together and everything goes back to normal and hopefully this will not happen again I also learned not to ask stupid questions like if it is a good idea to interrogate somebody's girlfriend because that is cryptic and not good. Lots of apologies to go around I can't wait I am just kicking back and relaxing until the day comes where I could jump back in and be my normal self in the group. This too shall pass. One, does not simply come out of this situation Scott free without scars bumps or bruises whether it be internal or external Time does not heal everything and memories last forever this is not a movie this is real life but it almost seems like a movie that none of this is real and none of this is actually happening. Oh well, it is what it is and we're all dealing with it now. Our lives are all messed up on some level now but I've only heard good positivity from Tim so maybe there's some hope and faith things will get better baby steps and all. We shall see in due time whatever it takes however long I have to wait I'll make an attempt to walk down the right path and do the right thing what's best for everyone without stumbling like before. The struggle is real but I'm dealing with it on the side in the back of my head in my storage vault locker thing. Signed sealed delivered I'm yours! Respect! 

I don't think many people will find love, it doesn't just come to people. The Doors of love and views of life need to be open and accepting. Sometimes risks need to be taken in order for something beautiful to blossom as in a friendship or relationship with one another. If one door closes, there will be more opportunities for other doors to open if you let them. Just give it time and the right people will come along and you'll be glad that you waited.