I have a good heart and am always there for people, I have a good heart that is sometimes misunderstood. Once I have a goal, I usually don't end up giving up on it. If I really like a Girl, I will
pursue her no matter what, unless she gets a restraining order if she thinks I would be a threat to her in any way. What usually happens is that it takes itself to the opposite extreme of what I
intended happen. All this drama and flood of emotion seemed to start from a day or two after Katie Denied my Relationship request. We've been going down deeper and deeper into out downward spiral of friendship, we are underground in our own hell. I am hoping things will pick back up by the next time we all see each other. if not, it's gonna be rather awkward, and the tension will rise
further until we are broken and hit rock bottom as this issue will be unbearably and consuming our lives as in the past two times. it's not easy to say now but, I think everything is going to be
alright. She isn't that type of person who does all the things I think she does. it's difficult, but we have lots of patience and intelligence for and about each other. I was so closet to being in
a normal relationship with her, but then this happened. We even texted back and forth a few times, which was really positive. Most of that is on the side right now and I just have to wait it out
and hope this dies down. When Tim, Steve, and I talk in person, I would like Katie to be there as well, since we're talking about her. I need to complain to Tim and Steve that when I need them
they aren't there. Their Phones are off the hook the whole day or their inboxes are full. I am on my phone more actively than they are. I've learned and grown from my mistakes but they still
happen, I thought it was over. I was close to asking her to unblock my facebook but this wall came up in my life and God just said "NO". Nobody's perfect, we can't live our lives holding on to
everything forever. Grudges are bad. When a girl gives up, it's not because she doesn't love you, but because she's tired of getting hurt & feels like you'll never care. I hate liking someone I
don't have a chance with. Even if we fight a lot, I still want her in m life. Every new day, we must refocus, to see the beauty of the moment. When you really care about someone, their happiness
matters more than yours. I want to meet myself from someone else's point of view. If I could only see what she sees and feel what she feels, it would help me understand where she and I are at.
It's sad when you realize you aren't as important to someone as you thought you were. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It's supposed to make you ache. There's a difference. The hardest decision is
deciding whether to "walk away" or "try harder." I notice everything, I just act like I don't. I still care even though I look mad. My protective Walls are up, and I am hiding behind them securely.
*****************************************************************************
Aside from that here are my updates...
I currently have two Jobs, one at Saladworks, and the other at a Company by the name of "Home Solutions" which is a Medical Deliver Company. I Drive and Pack Boxes out to Patients. I have a
reasonable source of income at the moment, but it's not enough if I don't get enough hours. I bought a Samsung Galaxy Core Prime for $100 with my first paycheck. I like it better than my Nokia
Phone. I am still trying to watch my YouTube Vlogs everyday, even if my internet turns off at a certain time, I have discovered Phone Tethering where I can connect my network to my PC and it works
almost the same but it's just slower. I've been emotionally stable, I am getting my body and mind ready for the talk of my life. Wrote this on Christmas Eve. Worked during the day, gave away my
Candy, left my Porta Speaker behind, gave my Gift to Deanna, hung out with Preston, went to New Life and Keystone Services, saw old friends from Thrive, saw Alli and Zack and a few other people
that haven't been around. it was good. Of course, Katie was there too, despite not seeing her car in the Driveway Parking lot, She came with Ian and what looked like her mother. I watched them
walk out the door, then from the window. There were Candles lit and glowsticks for the Kids. I sang the same songs twice. Mike, Ben, Bob, Christi, Andrew K, and all of the Shopes, all of the myers
family, and the rest of the general church population. Lots of people. Good times. I enjoyed Keystone better. New Life put me to sleep... no offense to Casey, Tommy, Joyce, or the Drummer.
Keystone only had 3. It was Sam T, Brad S, and another girl. Dan C still did sound, Ryan H and Jason M were there as well. Lots of familar faces from both ends. That is all for now.
pursue her no matter what, unless she gets a restraining order if she thinks I would be a threat to her in any way. What usually happens is that it takes itself to the opposite extreme of what I
intended happen. All this drama and flood of emotion seemed to start from a day or two after Katie Denied my Relationship request. We've been going down deeper and deeper into out downward spiral of friendship, we are underground in our own hell. I am hoping things will pick back up by the next time we all see each other. if not, it's gonna be rather awkward, and the tension will rise
further until we are broken and hit rock bottom as this issue will be unbearably and consuming our lives as in the past two times. it's not easy to say now but, I think everything is going to be
alright. She isn't that type of person who does all the things I think she does. it's difficult, but we have lots of patience and intelligence for and about each other. I was so closet to being in
a normal relationship with her, but then this happened. We even texted back and forth a few times, which was really positive. Most of that is on the side right now and I just have to wait it out
and hope this dies down. When Tim, Steve, and I talk in person, I would like Katie to be there as well, since we're talking about her. I need to complain to Tim and Steve that when I need them
they aren't there. Their Phones are off the hook the whole day or their inboxes are full. I am on my phone more actively than they are. I've learned and grown from my mistakes but they still
happen, I thought it was over. I was close to asking her to unblock my facebook but this wall came up in my life and God just said "NO". Nobody's perfect, we can't live our lives holding on to
everything forever. Grudges are bad. When a girl gives up, it's not because she doesn't love you, but because she's tired of getting hurt & feels like you'll never care. I hate liking someone I
don't have a chance with. Even if we fight a lot, I still want her in m life. Every new day, we must refocus, to see the beauty of the moment. When you really care about someone, their happiness
matters more than yours. I want to meet myself from someone else's point of view. If I could only see what she sees and feel what she feels, it would help me understand where she and I are at.
It's sad when you realize you aren't as important to someone as you thought you were. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It's supposed to make you ache. There's a difference. The hardest decision is
deciding whether to "walk away" or "try harder." I notice everything, I just act like I don't. I still care even though I look mad. My protective Walls are up, and I am hiding behind them securely.
*****************************************************************************
Aside from that here are my updates...
I currently have two Jobs, one at Saladworks, and the other at a Company by the name of "Home Solutions" which is a Medical Deliver Company. I Drive and Pack Boxes out to Patients. I have a
reasonable source of income at the moment, but it's not enough if I don't get enough hours. I bought a Samsung Galaxy Core Prime for $100 with my first paycheck. I like it better than my Nokia
Phone. I am still trying to watch my YouTube Vlogs everyday, even if my internet turns off at a certain time, I have discovered Phone Tethering where I can connect my network to my PC and it works
almost the same but it's just slower. I've been emotionally stable, I am getting my body and mind ready for the talk of my life. Wrote this on Christmas Eve. Worked during the day, gave away my
Candy, left my Porta Speaker behind, gave my Gift to Deanna, hung out with Preston, went to New Life and Keystone Services, saw old friends from Thrive, saw Alli and Zack and a few other people
that haven't been around. it was good. Of course, Katie was there too, despite not seeing her car in the Driveway Parking lot, She came with Ian and what looked like her mother. I watched them
walk out the door, then from the window. There were Candles lit and glowsticks for the Kids. I sang the same songs twice. Mike, Ben, Bob, Christi, Andrew K, and all of the Shopes, all of the myers
family, and the rest of the general church population. Lots of people. Good times. I enjoyed Keystone better. New Life put me to sleep... no offense to Casey, Tommy, Joyce, or the Drummer.
Keystone only had 3. It was Sam T, Brad S, and another girl. Dan C still did sound, Ryan H and Jason M were there as well. Lots of familar faces from both ends. That is all for now.
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