My writings for the day.

Well hello there world! How are you guys doing? Well, however you feel, its probably better than how I feel. The term “I feel blah” and numerous variations of that have been thrown at me. I’d say that’s a pretty good description of how I have been feeling as of the past few days. I was asked what was wrong with me and I says that i didn’t know, and I wasn't sure because my feelings are kinda blocked off to my mind. I am living in a little fortress bubble. With nothing but my evil face stuck on. I’ve gotten the finger pointed at me a few times, but this time it was a special finger, the same finger that has sent many texts and chat messages back to me. Unfortunately, it hasn’t happened as of late due to the one way mind of this certain individual. I make a lot of assumptions. Me and this person haven’t really talked at all, which would be fine for a normal person. For me, if I don’t talk with the people I want and keep getting ditched and ignored, I get very depressed, angry, disappointed, and lonely hindering me from doing many things in life such as school work, getting along with people, being a positive encouragement to someone. I’m thinking that I have this disorder of depression every once in a while. I think that something may be triggering it. One of the things is chat, on facebook. it fails. I’m pretty sure that its not sending my desired messages to the desired recipient, otherwise, she usually writes back, eventually within the same day but I haven’t gotten anything back so I’m kinda getting irritated and annoyed about this issue and and making a big deal about it. I am also starting to bitch and complain to people but she, and one other person in the group are aware of my situation so that’s a plus. I don’t really want to do this to get sympathy, I guess something inside me really wants the attention of certain people and life gets difficult when I feel like I’m cut off and kinda invisible. I don’t like feeling like this because it causes lots of anxiety and stress for me and others who are around me. there is disorder, chaos, drama in my life, shit is definitely hitting the fan. Coping with these things is complicated and difficult. I guess you could consider me a disturbed person. Sometimes I just lay on a bench and glare at the ceiling, today she noticed that and she said that if I do that for too long it tends to creep people out. I saw her from a different angle today. on a normal day, I think I would be fine and dandy and joyful that she anyone would come over, talk, and pay some attention to me, but today i was pretty much a rock with my face stuck in the pressured, discomforting position which basically is not a happy face, more like a sad, disappointed face that’s just lost and always shifting around all antsy any stuff. it sucks, kinda makes me think I’m "Skitsophrenic"and completely psycho, which I have called myself before, in desperate times to explain myself. Life can be good, or it can just suck. I take what I get, and ingest it weather I like it or not, I try not to think about it, move on, and not let it consume me. My friend and I call it “trying not to give a fuck” and my other friend and I made a fan page about quitting life, which shows the enthusiasm we have about living on this earth, and life in general. things cold be so much better, things could be improved, but unfortunately. to this date, they have been getting progressively worse. I wish things would be good, and stay good, like the good ol days when we were all young, happy, drama free, clique free .etc but everything seems to be declining down a very steep hill and we are rolling towards the end. only god knows what the future holds for all of us, we are still his people and he loves us all. he only wants the best for us, he has plans and we have to walk with him and have a good relationship because ultimately, he is the one in the driver’s seat holding the remote control, kinda like in the movie “click” except this is reality, and certainly not a comedy, or a joke.

I think that is all for now. My brain is kinda fried.